Funny Stuff Thread.... to loosen your day


swimmerXC

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Ok here this is hilarious.....
1. Go to
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2. Click on "Maps"
3. Click on "Get directions"
4. Type in New York for the first box and London for the second box...
5. READ step down till step 23 :)
 

swimmerXC

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Something about marriage...

If your wife is shouting at the front door, and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course.
At least he'll shut up after you let him in!

____________________________________________________

A little girl at a wedding asked, "Mommy, why do brides always wear white?" The mom replied, "Because they're happy, dear."

Halfway through the wedding the girl whispered, "Mommy, if brides wear white because they're happy, then why do men wear black?"
 

Cheetah

New Member
These are from actual resumes::nana:

"Personal: I'm married with 9 children. I don't require prescription drugs.

"I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability."

"Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I'm a class act and do not come cheap."

"I intentionally omitted my salary history. I've made money and lost money. I've been rich and I've been poor. I prefer being rich."

"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."

"Number of dependents: 40."

"Marital Status: Often. Children: Various."

RESUME BLOOPERS

"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."

REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:

"Responsibility makes me nervous."

"They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions."

REASONS FOR LEAVING MY LAST JOB:

"Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches."

"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."

"The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers."

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:

"While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility."

"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award."

SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:

"Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant."

PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:

"Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep."

PERSONAL INTERESTS:

"Donating blood. 14 gallons so far."

SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING:

"Education: College, August 1880-May 1984."

"Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse."

"Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget."

"I'm a rabid typist."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation
 

planeman

Senior Member
VIP Professional
lol.

I'm interviewing some chap in the near future for a job, and this is a paraphrase/twist on what he has as "hobbies" on his CV*:

"I enjoy doing home cooking. I have runs most nights."

Are the two related I wonder?






*CV = the correct term for Resume. ;)
 

Neutral Zone

Junior Member
I work for a government agency in Northern Ireland. Every year there are promotion boards run for staff. During one a few years ago, a guy got asked the question, "What changes are we likely to see in the coming years?" He started singing "The Times they are a Changing!"

Apparently he knew every line of the song, he still didn't get promoted though! :D
 

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