**Donnie Guitar**
*(Parody of “Johnny Guitar” by Peggy Lee)*
**Verse 1:**
Oh, the markets are tense in the U.S.A.,
And the traders all whisper of a comin’ storm,
He slaps on a tax, says it’s part of the game,
But the farmers are left with fields full of scorn.
**Chorus:**
Play the tariff, play it again, *Donnie Guitar*,
Your trade wars are ragin’, but you’ve gone too far,
With a tweet and a threat, you’re the “Art of the Deal,”
But the world’s cryin’ out, *“How’s this supposed to feel?”*
**Verse 2:**
He points his old finger at China’s great wall,
Says, *“They’re stealin’ our jobs, gotta make ’em pay!”*
But the factories shut, and the prices just climb,
Now the workers ain’t smilin’—they’re fadin’ away.
**Chorus:**
Play the tariff, play it again, *Donnie Guitar*,
Your “wins” are a mirage in a diesel-powered car,
The middle class bends while the CEOs cheer,
But the receipts don’t lie—*it’s all pain, no veneer!*
**Bridge:**
Oh, the allies all groan, and the deficits grow,
But he’s struttin’ and braggin’ on his TV show,
*“We’re winnin’!”* he crows, but the numbers don’t lie,
The bills stack up high as the stocks say *goodbye…*
**Verse 3:**
The E.U. fires back with their own heavy toll,
Soybeans rot while the tariffs take hold,
Main Street’s choked by the cost of this fight,
But Donnie just tweets through the dead of the night.
**Chorus:**
Play the tariff, play it again, *Donnie Guitar*,
You’re king of the bluff, but your hand’s showin’ scars,
The Dow’s in a ditch, and the globe’s in a rage,
While you scribble your name on *a blank tariff page…*
**Outro:**
So play the tariff, play it again, old fool,
Your tune’s out of key, but you’ll bend every rule,
The economy’s weary, the future’s unclear,
But *Donnie Guitar*, well… *he’ll never hear.*
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* Cue twangy guitar solo cut short by a stock market crash sound effect.*