Funny Stuff Thread.... to loosen your day

[swimmerXC]

Ok here this is hilarious.....
1. Go to www.google.com
2. Click on "Maps"
3. Click on "Get directions"
4. Type in New York for the first box and London for the second box...
5. READ step down till step 23 :)

[SteelBird]

Ok here this is hilarious.....
1. Go to www.google.com
2. Click on "Maps"
3. Click on "Get directions"
4. Type in New York for the first box and London for the second box...
5. READ step down till step 23 :)

As your name implies, I think you can swim that distance...

[Scratch]

Ok here this is hilarious.....
1. Go to www.google.com
2. Click on "Maps"
3. Click on "Get directions"
4. Type in New York for the first box and London for the second box...
5. READ step down till step 23 :)

:roll: This would be a nice description for a navigation aid in your car :roll:

[The_Zergling]

Ok here this is hilarious.....
1. Go to www.google.com
2. Click on "Maps"
3. Click on "Get directions"
4. Type in New York for the first box and London for the second box...
5. READ step down till step 23 :)

Haha, classic stuff! Pity it doesn't work for all locations...

[swimmerXC]

Something about marriage...

If your wife is shouting at the front door, and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course.
At least he'll shut up after you let him in!

__________________________________________________ __

A little girl at a wedding asked, "Mommy, why do brides always wear white?" The mom replied, "Because they're happy, dear."

Halfway through the wedding the girl whispered, "Mommy, if brides wear white because they're happy, then why do men wear black?"

[T-U-P]

ahaha, love google for all of its funniness.

[zaky]

A good friend of mine sends me earlier this link.

http://www.ironicsans.com/2007/07/terrorist_organization_logos.html

[Cheetah]

These are from actual resumes::nana:

"Personal: I'm married with 9 children. I don't require prescription drugs.

"I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability."

"Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I'm a class act and do not come cheap."

"I intentionally omitted my salary history. I've made money and lost money. I've been rich and I've been poor. I prefer being rich."

"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."

"Number of dependents: 40."

"Marital Status: Often. Children: Various."

RESUME BLOOPERS

"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."

REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:

"Responsibility makes me nervous."

"They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions."

REASONS FOR LEAVING MY LAST JOB:

"Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches."

"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."

"The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers."

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:

"While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility."

"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award."

SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:

"Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant."

PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:

"Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep."

PERSONAL INTERESTS:

"Donating blood. 14 gallons so far."

SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING:

"Education: College, August 1880-May 1984."

"Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse."

"Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget."

"I'm a rabid typist."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation

[planeman]

lol.

I'm interviewing some chap in the near future for a job, and this is a paraphrase/twist on what he has as "hobbies" on his CV*:

"I enjoy doing home cooking. I have runs most nights."

Are the two related I wonder?






*CV = the correct term for Resume. ;)

[Neutral Zone]

I work for a government agency in Northern Ireland. Every year there are promotion boards run for staff. During one a few years ago, a guy got asked the question, "What changes are we likely to see in the coming years?" He started singing "The Times they are a Changing!"

Apparently he knew every line of the song, he still didn't get promoted though! :D

[sumdud]

What's wrong with drinking De-caffed Irish coffee? (Yes, I am 18 and in America.)

[Autumn Child]

Some military joke...

The following is the transcript of an actual radio conversation in
October1995, between a US Navy ship and The British authorities, off
the
Scottish
North coast.

The transcript was released by the MoD on 10/10/95.

BRITISH : Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid
collision.

US Navy : Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the North to
avoid a collision.

BRITISH : Negative.You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to
the
South to avoid a collision.

US Navy : This is the Captain of US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR
course.

BRITISH : Negative. I say again. You will have to divert your course.

US NAVY : THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST
SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE
DESTROYERS,THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. DEMAND THAT YOU
CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THATS 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER
MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

BRITISH : We are a lighthouse. F**k off.

[zaky]

and gere is the video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=brNX4xqlXJE

[Autumn Child]

Damn....they actually made a video about that? is it a clip from a movie or what? :)

[zaky]

I don’t know. I saw this film earlier on youtube.

[Norfolk]

There's an old saying about things like this: You just can't make this stuff up.

[sumdud]

Not for the Engineering hearted :D

http://youtube.com/watch?v=CdNFtJOkQpU&mode=related&search=
Guys and gals (I bet you you are reading this.) I hope you've learned your math well like this guy here.

[crazyinsane105]

Miss South Carolina in Miss Teen USA 2007 answers a question:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww

She left out world peace.:nana:

[sidewinder]

b-52 bomber on sale

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070824/od_nm/russia_usa_bomber_dc:roll:

[Chengdu J-10]

Miss South Carolina in Miss Teen USA 2007 answers a question:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww

She left out world peace.:nana:
Help South Africa and Iraq??? What is she going on about??? Haha sad thing about this is that she is "Blonde," got the looks but aint got the brains or hearing.

[Chengdu J-10]

If you are an engineer in this forum you should be proud when you read this story:

Eleven people were dangling below a helicopter on a rope. There were ten HR people and one engineer. Since the rope was not strong enough to hold all the eleven, they decided that one of them had to let go to save all the others.

They could not decide who should be the volunteer. Finally the engineer said he would let go of the rope since engineers are used to do everything for the company. They forsake their family, don’t claim all of their expenses and do a lot of overtime without getting anything in return.

When he finished his moving speech all the HR people began to clap…

Moral:
Never underestimate the powers of the engineer.

[sumdud]

http://www.airbus.com/en/aircraftfamilies/a320/a319/specifications.html
Being such a big company, you would think that Airbus would spell everything right. But I guess German and French remains big in EADS.
Look up onto the title bar.

Not laughing at the people who lives here, just laughing at the road.
http://img161.imageshack.us/img161/7935/n5046532571073795354yf7.jpg
Someone should've been standing on top of the hump. :D
Courtesy of TUP.

[zaky]

Night Of The Living Dead India

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kK4qKqCYxNk

[T-U-P]

hey sumdud took that pic from my facebook:roll:

it's in sentosa singapore btw.

[STINGRAY]

A lot of funny stuff here. I like the US Navy/Brittish radio conv.











.

[Norfolk]

How to Survive a Zombie Attack - Video (http://www.commoncraft.com/zombies).:D

[zaky]

I found this video near crobato`s (http://www.sinodefenceforum.com/land-warfare-army/new-type98-99-mbt-thread-44-851.html) one

drunk russian soldier drives tank
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NaaP7bQglcU&feature=related

[Soviet General]

will that shows the americans not to be like we are big and though. Way to go England

[zaky]

Japanese domino. For some reason I remember TOM & JERRY :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1zIR_SVxkE

[zaky]

Turkish Rambo :roll:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljlBU6baLiQ

[zaky]

China's Tsingtao Beer.

http://current.com/items/89328614_china_s_tsingtao_beer?xid=55

[crobato]

Iran's attempt at world sandwich domination failed...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20081017/od_nm/us_guinness_sandwich

[crobato]

OMG. Not Nissin Ramen! I eat a lot of Nissin Ramen.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20081024/hl_afp/japanfoodsafetynoodle

TOKYO (AFP) – Japan's Nissin Food Products Co. said Friday it was recalling half a million cups of instant noodles over fears of insecticide contamination in the latest food safety scare to rock the country's consumers.

A 67-year-old woman vomited and felt numbness on her tongue after eating Nissin's Cup Noodle this week in the Tokyo suburb of Fujisawa, the city's health office said late Thursday.

The product was made at a Nissin factory in Japan. A series of previous scares have involved food imported from China.

The health office said on inspecting the Cup Noodle they had discovered paradichlorobenzene, the key chemical in bug repellent, but no puncture or other abnormality in the cup.

Nissin was voluntarily recalling around 500,000 cups made on the same factory line the same day, a company spokesman said.

They were sold at supermarkets in Tokyo and neighbouring areas with most of them already gone from store shelves, he said.

"We apologise for causing trouble to Cup Noodle lovers," Nissin president Susumu Nakagawa told reporters late Thursday.

However, he denied the possibility of contamination at the factory, saying it had never used or stored the insecticide and had seven security cameras watching manufacturing lines.

"It is unthinkable that the contamination occurred at our production lines," he said.

The noodles scare spread Friday as another company, Myojo Foods Co. of Tokyo, said it found instant noodles laced with paradichlorobenzene and naphthol, also used as bug repellent.

A man "poured in hot water and noticed chemical smells," said a health official in Yososuka, southwest of Tokyo. The man was unhurt as he did not eat the noodles.

Nissin, based in the western Japan city of Osaka, created instant ramen noodles as Japan's economy grew rapidly after World War II. Aimed at busy people on the go, it has since become a multibillion-dollar industry.

Japan has been on alert after a series of health scares involving food, mostly made in China.

Earlier this month one woman fell sick after eating frozen green beans imported from China, which were found to contain thousands of times the permissible level of pesticide residue.

[crobato]

A real Chinese cowboy.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_Lee

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=14887184

[zaky]

This is not real "funny stuff", but one can loose his day with it :)
A new wrieting apared about the PLA recruitment, training, and education system and I dont want to open a new thread for this.

http://www.strategicstudiesinstitute.army.mil/pubs/display.cfm?pubID=858

[ravenshield936]

Iran's attempt at world sandwich domination failed...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20081017/od_nm/us_guinness_sandwich

seems like the sandwich is too good for its record

[zaky]

I dont know what to say about it. This is real or PS?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyxhdKLSbtU

[planeman]

damn good one though!

[Engineer]

How man and woman wake up in the morning.:roll:
http://military.club.china.com/data/thread/1011/2438/05/45/6_1.html

[sumdud]

There goes my roommate and his girlfriend!
So true!

[T-U-P]

How man and woman wake up in the morning.:roll:
http://military.club.china.com/data/thread/1011/2438/05/45/6_1.html
#17. is that how they translate bling-bling? :roll:

[crobato]

Ah we're getting closer to the first guy in the world to ever smoke weed...

Dean Beeby
THE CANADIAN PRESS

OTTAWA – Researchers say they have located the world's oldest stash of marijuana, in a tomb in a remote part of China.

The cache of cannabis is about 2,700 years old and was clearly ``cultivated for psychoactive purposes," rather than as fibre for clothing or as food, says a research paper in the Journal of Experimental Botany.

The 789 grams of dried cannabis was buried alongside a light-haired, blue-eyed Caucasian man, likely a shaman of the Gushi culture, near Turpan in northwestern China.

The extremely dry conditions and alkaline soil acted as preservatives, allowing a team of scientists to carefully analyze the stash, which still looked green though it had lost its distinctive odour.

"To our knowledge, these investigations provide the oldest documentation of cannabis as a pharmacologically active agent," says the newly published paper, whose lead author was American neurologist Dr. Ethan B. Russo.

Remnants of cannabis have been found in ancient Egypt and other sites, and the substance has been referred to by authors such as the Greek historian Herodotus. But the tomb stash is the oldest so far that could be thoroughly tested for its properties.

The 18 researchers, most of them based in China, subjected the cannabis to a battery of tests, including carbon dating and genetic analysis. Scientists also tried to germinate 100 of the seeds found in the cache, without success.

The marijuana was found to have a relatively high content of THC, the main active ingredient in cannabis, but the sample was too old to determine a precise percentage.

Researchers also could not determine whether the cannabis was smoked or ingested, as there were no pipes or other clues in the tomb of the shaman, who was about 45 years old.

The large cache was contained in a leather basket and in a wooden bowl, and was likely meant to be used by the shaman in the afterlife.

"This materially is unequivocally cannabis, and no material has previously had this degree of analysis possible," Russo said in an interview from Missoula, Mont.

"It was common practice in burials to provide materials needed for the afterlife. No hemp or seeds were provided for fabric or food. Rather, cannabis as medicine or for visionary purposes was supplied."

The tomb also contained bridles, archery equipment and a harp, confirming the man's high social standing.

Russo is a full-time consultant with GW Pharmaceuticals, which makes Sativex, a cannabis-based medicine approved in Canada for pain linked to multiple sclerosis and cancer.

The company operates a cannabis-testing laboratory at a secret location in southern England to monitor crop quality for producing Sativex, and allowed Russo use of the facility for tests on 11 grams of the tomb cannabis.

Researchers needed about 10 months to cut red tape barring the transfer of the cannabis to England from China, Russo said.

The inter-disciplinary study was published this week by the British-based botany journal, which uses independent reviewers to ensure the accuracy and objectivity of all submitted papers.

The substance has been found in two of the 500 Gushi tombs excavated so far in northwestern China, indicating that cannabis was either restricted for use by a few individuals or was administered as a medicine to others through shamans, Russo said.

"It certainly does indicate that cannabis has been used by man for a variety of purposes for thousands of years."

Russo, who had a neurology practice for 20 years, has previously published studies examining the history of cannabis.

"I hope we can avoid some of the political liabilities of the issue," he said, referring to his latest paper.

The region of China where the tomb is located, Xinjiang, is considered an original source of many cannabis strains worldwide.

http://www.thestar.com/sciencetech/article/544684

[crobato]

Its a big Youtube hit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqGQ72bre30

Here you go, its a fake Bruce Lee playing world class ping pong with his nunchuks.

[Engineer]

If you are a Chinese and got yourself in a heated debate with a foreigner, and the person claims he/she understands China better than Chinese, this link would come in handy. :roll:

http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/tv/news/chinese-classical-poem-was-brothel-ad-1058031.html

[zaky]

If you are a Chinese and got yourself in a heated debate with a foreigner, and the person claims he/she understands China better than Chinese, this link would come in handy. :roll:

http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/tv/news/chinese-classical-poem-was-brothel-ad-1058031.html

The same subiect, but with mor details, and a lot of funny tattoo:D

http://www.hanzismatter.com/

"With high salaries, we have cordially invited for an extended series of matinées

KK and Jiamei as directors, who will personally lead jade-like girls in the spring of youth,

Beauties from the north who have a distinguished air of elegance and allure,

Young housewives having figures that will turn you on;

Their enchanting and coquettish performance will begin within the next few days."

:rofl:

[sumdud]

A must! study break, popping on the TV......

I know, depending on your opinion, you could be dead in the next 5 minutes (in which case I am not responsible for your death) or you yourself (instead of your family) would try to sue me, but comm'on, good or not, this act, done to anybody but yourself, could be a little funny.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuyzA5dT5Kk

[zaky]

VA-25's Toilet Bomb

http://midwaysailor.com/midwayva25bomb/

[zx851112]

不知道中文这里能不能显示...回帖试试...

[Engineer]

http://i445.photobucket.com/albums/qq172/joecooool418/P1012141.jpg